The Caitlin Clark Solution - The 99 Call

Immediate violence, it's all they understand, see?

Now, true, basketball isn’t one of my games. I know the general rules but never having played it don’t grasp the details - nor the flow of the game, what’s good, what’s difficult and all that. Women’s basketball is even less of an interest - and that’s with my admitting that I’ve never actually watched even a man’s game whether live or on TV.

Still, I do know what the solution is here:

Status alert: Caitlin Clark, Marina Mabrey, Tina Charles assessed technical fouls Tuesday.

Jacy Sheldon was assessed a flagrant 1 foul.

No players were ejected.

I even know what the solution is despite knowing nothing about the game.

The “99” call.

Now, rugby is indeed a different game. It’s a very forceful game but it’s not vicious. A quick punch of someone while the ref’s not looking is, shall we say, not unusual. But suckerpunching someone will have your own team stamping on you the next opportunity they get. Two 6 ft 4 blokes waving fists at each other will get called “handbags” by the ref and the game will carry on. Dangerous play has you sent off and there have been instances of banned for life for it.

It’s said that rugby is a thug’s game played by gentlemen. That’s not wholly true let me tell you. But for the game to work at all there does have to be a certain agreement about what the rules of violence are. This is acceptable, that’s a bit much and that, no, that’s out. And it has to be the players agreeing on that in general - the ref cannot do everything.

So, what do you do when the opposition players aren’t quite keeping to that general, gentleman’s, agreement and the refs aren’t giving a shit either?

The 99 call:

In rugby union, the "99" call was a policy of simultaneous retaliation by the British Lions during their 1974 tour to South Africa.[1] The tour was marred by on-pitch violence, which the match officials did little to control and the relative absence of cameras compared to the modern game made citing and punishment after the fact unlikely.

Lions' captain Willie John McBride therefore instigated a policy of "one in, all in" - that is, when one Lion retaliated, all other Lions were expected to join in the melee or hit the nearest Springbok.[3] By doing so, the referee would be unable to identify any single instigator and so would be left with the choice of sending off all or none of the team. In this respect, the "99" call was extremely successful, as no Lions player was sent off during the tour.

I can’t actually show you the clip as it’s considered violence these days. Only allowable on YouTube.

But, effectively, when the captain shouts “99” then head for the nearest opposing player - in this case, Our Lads are in red, the oppos in green - and hit them. That’s it. Or, as some of the military fanboys might put it, meet violence with excessive and random violence.

Which is the solution to the Caitlin Clark thing. Opposition teams are fouling her specifically, deliberately and dangerously. The solution is for the captain of her team to shout “99” and all members of Clark’s team head for the nearest opposition player and hit them.

Job done.

Job done because very quickly indeed the varied players in the varied teams will get the idea as will the refs who will start handing out significant punishments for the fouls.

Of course, there’s always the idea that it doesn’t work and we’ll just end up with a pile of women brawling in the middle of a stadium. At which point cover ‘em with cream and double ticket prices, obviously.

BTW, in that clip on YouTube of the horrendous violence toward the end there the 15 in red really wades in and throws punches. JPR Williams that is, one of the great ones of the game. Also one of the country’s leading orthopaedic surgeons in later years. No, really, top notch.

A gentleman’s game, d’ye see? Gentlemen being those who know how to use violence, know when it’s necessary. That’s what women’s basketball needs, a bit more gentlemanly behaviour.